I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalm 139:14

The auditorium was filled with the sound of little voices singing, “My Chains Are Gone.” In the back of the auditorium was a teenage boy with hands lifted high. There was one difference between the children on the stage and the teen in the back of the auditorium. The boy in the back had Down syndrome. Children with Down syndrome hold a special piece of my heart…a big piece.

When I was expecting my first child I was eager with anticipation and excitement for my new role as a mom. I could not believe there was a real, live child growing inside me. My mom and I had gone on a normal shopping trip for special things for my soon to be arriving little girl. As we got back into the car my phone rang. It was my doctor. The fun shopping trip quickly transformed into an emotionally filled season of unknown possibilities. The words that were transferred over the phone completely shocked me to silence.

“We need you to come in for further testing. There is a high possibility that your baby may have Down syndrome.”

My mind immediately went to the worst-case scenario thinking of a child who would never live a life like other children. I did not know what the possibilities were. All I knew was I was terrified, unprepared, uneducated in special needs and felt very alone.

I hung up the phone and we prayed for God’s help in this new season of my pregnancy. My husband and I told God we would love this child and do all we could to be prepared if He would give us the grace to get through this.

I went to a specialist. They ushered me and my husband into a back room with a genetic counselor.

I did not know they actually took young pregnant moms into private rooms and offered abortion as a birth plan. I’ll never forget hearing the words,

“You have the option to terminate the pregnancy.”

I sat there and felt my baby kick and assured the counselor we would be delivering this baby. We told her with tear filled eyes that we would love this child no matter what. I could not believe what was happening. They were talking about the pregnancy as if it was a thing, a medical diagnosis. NO! It was a baby, a child, a dream, a person. It was our baby. I would not be terminating anything.

A special ultrasound that checked for specific signs of Down syndrome was completed. I wanted to be as prepared as possible for our little princess. The ultra sound found nothing that could confirm the diagnosis.

I was relieved in many ways, but they assured me there was still a possibility that our princess would have Down syndrome.

After eighteen hours of labor, the doctor finally handed me Hannah Grace. I looked into her precious face and counted every finger and toe. I examined my little miracle baby. I was prepared to begin my new season of life as a mother of a special needs child, but God did not have that in mind.

What He did do is ignite a love and compassion for special needs children that I did not have before the birth of Hannah Grace.

I do not know what God is doing in your life right now, but I can assure you He has something beautiful for you to see and learn.

When I see the boy at church raise his hands high and sing, I remember my moments of the unknown. The outcome was completely out of my control, but God was constantly in control of it all.

I see the boy and I think of my Hannah Grace. Every child has a purpose. God forms children exactly the way He wants them. If you are a mom-to-be I hope you will not be persuaded by a genetic counselor to give up in a moment of unknown possibilities.

God gave me Hannah Grace when someone else told me it might be easier to give her up. God gave me a deeper love and compassion for special needs children. I am so thankful for the phone call that changed my life. Not in the way I thought it would, but in a way that God wanted it to.

Life has lots of unexpected things. Embrace them. Step forward trusting and knowing that God will open your eyes and heart in ways you never imagined before.

If you are the mother of a special needs child by birth or adoption I admire you greatly. We are both mothers, but God has allowed us to experience different challenges. I admire you for your patience, your love, your time, your sacrifice, and your emotional stability as you face battles most of us cannot comprehend.

If you have been ushered to the back room and felt there was no other choice, my heart aches for you. If I did not have a godly mother and a wise, loving husband I might have been persuaded to make a decision that would have cost the life of my Hannah Grace. God can heal and fill the void of your heart. He knows.

God has a purpose for every child. His way is perfect. He forms babies in the womb. He equips us for the unknowns. He gives grace when we don’t know what to do. He will help you.

Nine years later I am thanking God for my miracle baby Hannah Grace. Her life has changed my life in more ways than I can count. One of the best things her birth has taught me is not to worry in the unknown circumstances of life. God is in control when we don’t know what the future holds.

Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. Jeremiah 1:5

I don’t know if my Hannah will be used like Jeremiah, but I do know she has already changed my life.

What is it in your life that is completely out of your control? Don’t take over and make a decision you will regret. Trust God. He works in ways we cannot comprehend.

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

If this has been an encouragement or help to you share it with someone you love.

Love & Blessings,

Micah

This post is part of Suzie Ellers #LiveFreeThursday.

For my Compel Sisters: #COMPELtip – I put away the phone and other distractions while writing.