Ever Feel Lonely?
Ever Feel Lonely?
I entered the room of women excited to make new friends. While they laughed about old memories and giggled over inside jokes, there I stood on the outside looking in – alone.
I wanted to laugh and join in the fun, but I didn’t know the inside stories and didn’t understand the jokes that caused them to explode into simultaneous laughter.
So there I stood with a smile plastered on my face, and an empty sinking feeling filling up my entire chest. I was surrounded by people, but felt completely alone.
Have you ever been there? You want to jump in the fun, have a good story to tell, and be a part of the party. But the more you want to, the more isolated you feel.
Sometimes it’s a party, other times it’s just life. You want to be a part of things, fill a position, land a job, or fulfill a calling. But overtime it begins to feel like you are an outsider, the lonely one who doesn’t make the cut or fit in at all.
Thoughts begin to develop and you soon begin telling yourself it doesn’t really matter how hard you try. Your lonely feelings begin to feel lonelier. Your purpose begins shifting and you forget why you ever set out to make new friends, or accomplish something special in the first place.
You tuck away your loneliness in a dark corner of your heart and you paint a smile on your face (or Facebook), and you tell the world, “I’m happy! NO, REALLY! I’m very HAPPY!” The more you shout it, the more you think maybe someone will notice you, approve of you, and applaud you.
How do I know so well? I’ve been there, seeking approval, looking for love, searching for success.
But here’s what I’ve found – The more I seek the approval of people, the more secluded I feel. The more I seek the approval of Jesus, the more free I am.
I’m free to be alone, but not feel lonely.
I’m free to attend the party, but fulfill my unique part.
I’m free to follow God’s purpose, and not fall to the pressure of the world.
I’m free to accomplish what God wants for me, and leave the expectations of the world behind me.
Living with purpose in the lonely seasons is a beautiful place to live. It’s not because I love being alone or I don’t want to have friends. It’s because it’s in those season when I had no one else to talk to that I finally shared my entire heart with God and He heard me.
In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears. Psalm 18:6
When I was willing to give Him my heart, He began to fill the holes in it. He gave me friends, He filled the gaps, He proved His love, and He lavishly poured out His purpose for me.
There is a purpose for the lonely seasons. Find God’s love there. When you do, you’ll see it so clearly. And the next time you walk into the party, you won’t need to be a part, but you will be ready to do your part.
When I found God in the lonely seasons, I learned how to be a friend instead of need a friend. I learned how to give encouragement instead of yearn for encouragement. I learned how to sacrifice my time and my talent, instead of seek the need for time for myself.
How do I live with purpose when I feel lonely?
1. Remember God. His presence heals the holes in our hearts.
2. Remember God’s love. It’s for you. Accept it.
3. Remember someone needs you. It might be the neighbor next door, the clerk at the store, or the lonely girl at the party, but someone needs you today. You never know the impact you are having. So do your part.
4. Remember to talk to God about it. Tell Him how much you need Him. He hears you.
5. When you start feeling lonely choose one of these activities to encourage someone else:
*Send a kind text saying, “I’m thinking of you!”
*Write a hand written note of encouragement and send it in the mail.
*Send an encouraging email to a person in your life letting them know what you appreciate about them.
*Buy groceries or purchase a dinner for a family who is dealing with chronic illness, or recent birth/adoption/foster care.
*Pick up flowers from a grocer or flower shop and drop them off.
*Say a kind word and give the gift of a smile.
I don’t always get it right, and I still have moments of loneliness, but the more I live with my heart exposed to Jesus, the more He fills the holes in my heart.
Share this with someone you love! While many will celebrate Valentine’s Day with the love of their lives, others will feel the deepest cave in their heart and long for someone to notice them. God knows. He sees. Let someone know how much they are loved.
This post is a part of a larger series! You can find the links here:
Week 1 – Silent Seasons
Week 2 – Season of Blessings
Week 3 – Seasons to Stop
Week 4 – Seasons of Uncertainty
Week 5 – Seasons When You Feel Shattered
Week 6 – Seasons When You Feel Inadequate
Love & Blessings,
Micah
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Real security comes from a relationship with Jesus. Wonderful ways to live with purpose! He is always there the most important thing is to talk to him.
Yes! Too often we just get too busy doing life in our own strength and then we wonder why we feel so lonely. I’m so thankful for Jesus – a constant, faithful Savior.
Micah- I love your tips and reminder about those who don’t feel loved on Valentine’s Day!
I’ve grow in greater faith in those seasons where I am more lonely because I’ve needed to rely on God more!
#InspireMeMonday
It’s interesting to me how the lonely times give us a clearer perspective of relying on God. Sometimes we fight loneliness because we want to be a part and feel needed, but lonely isn’t so bad when we realize God is with us. Also I’m learning even the most surrounded who seem like their lives are filled to the brim with love often struggle with loneliness too. It’s a void I believe only God can fill. I hope you have a great week, Julie and I hope you know you are loved beyond measure by your faithful Father.
Amen, Micah. I need to be reminded daily to chase after God’s vision for my life …not my own. Thank you for being so encouraging, as always! Happy Tuesday! #TestimonyTuesday
Megs
Love seeing you here week after week, Megs! His vision, girl! His vision! I need to be reminded daily. Hugs!
Yes! Amen! Hugs!!
Just the thought that we are not alone is so rejuvenating, and when there are challenges, when God takes me into new territory, I’m thankful that He goes along.
Yes, me too! He will never leave us or forsake us! So thankful!
I love your advice to reach out and encourage someone else when we feel lonely! Such wise counsel! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks, Liz. Happy Valentine’s Day!
I completely relate to this. I have often felt lonely, but lately God has been reminding me in various ways to just trust in him. That he wants me to draw close to him. Thanks for another timely reminder!
So thankful for God’s timing!
Great advice – especially since we’ve all been there, and unfortunately, we’ll probably all be there again. Keep these reminders handy! :)
I love this encouragement. I went through a time filled with loneliness and these reminders and practical action steps are great encouragement for someone in a time of loneliness. Thank you for sharing!
This is so true: “The more I seek the approval of people, the more secluded I feel. The more I seek the approval of Jesus, the more free I am.” It makes a big difference when we focus on encouraging others and on pleasing God rather than people.
This is wonderful encouragement, Micah. I’ve experienced both ends of the spectrum that you’ve written about … the awkward, sour feelings of loneliness and the settled feeling of being OK with being by alone. And I think this is the key to being OK with it: “When I found God in the lonely seasons, I learned how to be a friend instead of need a friend.” I love your fifth point about encouraging someone else when you feel like you need encouragement … it really helps!
These are great points to remember. I went through a really dark time in my life when I wish I would have had this list.
This: The more I seek the approval of people, the more secluded I feel. The more I seek the approval of Jesus, the more free I am. Amen, Micah. You are speaking about a place I am so in of late. I’ve been testing and trying this truth too. There is a blessing in loneliness, and a closeness to God we don’t otherwise seek out as completely. I heard Beth Moore explain that we have holes that we want filled by people, by marriage, by firnedships, etc., but it is a precious thing to have God fill them instead. Thanks for sharing this!
What a great post full of wisdom. Thank you so much for sharing. Blessings to you!
As someone who recently moved to a new city, I am well acquainted with loneliness. Thank you for encouraging me to use my newfound free time to grow in relationship with the Lord.
Your opening paragraph also reminded me of “Somewhere in a Crowd,” a song and dance number from La La Land that perfectly captures that feeling of being alone in a room full of people. If you enjoy a good musical, you may want to check it out :)