Sometimes I wonder if foster care is hurting my biological children.

I think it’s a valid concern that many foster parents will face.

But today, my biological son’s prayer offered me some special grace and a little slice of hope as we wrestle through the strains of fostering. Don’t get me wrong, foster care is beautiful, but there are obvious struggles anytime you attempt blending a family.

As Jaxon prayed, one sentence gripped my heart and put a lump in my throat. I swallowed hard and breathed a deep breath of some sort of relief.

“Dear God,
… and thank you that I have a family to live with…”

Some might think this is a sweet thing for a child to say by offering a nod and a reassuring smile.

But for us, those priceless words spoken from my little boy, who has walked through a year of ups and downs, provoke an overwhelming flood of emotions that spurs on an ugly cry in its rawest form from this emotional biological mamma. Because the heart from which these words came knows the inside scoop of foster care.

He knows what it’s like to wake up to a new brother or sister in the house. It’s a child who suddenly “lost” every family member they ever knew and now they are forced to find their place in a new family.

He knows what it’s like to lay awake at night and cry because his new brother won’t be able to stay with us forever.

He’s seen what trauma and abuse does to even the smallest of hearts and minds.

He knows that not all moms and dads provide their children’s basic needs. And he knows his home and family isn’t something everyone else has. So experiencing and seeing foster care has given him an appreciation for his family that he otherwise could have never understood.

I don’t know long term what the effects of fostering will be on my biological children, but I do know God is already working on their hearts. And that is a gift. It’s something I could never teach them, no matter how hard I try. I am not naive to think there isn’t the potential for harm too, but for now, I’m seeing more blessing than harm.

We can try to control every part of our children’s lives. We can protect them and guard them from the inside out. But I’m learning something they need more than my protection is eyes to see needs beyond the walls of themselves. If we are constantly harboring and hindering them from hearing about the heartaches of the real world, we are stripping them of an opportunity to see and recognize heartache and know how to do something about it.

Everywhere we turn we see the world is shaken and shattering one family, one life at a time. From divorce, drugs, and suicide, the statistics are mind boggling.

Exposing my children to the reality of the effects of negative choices, drugs, infidelity, abuse, and neglect through foster care has been one of the most spiritually enriching life lessons they could ever learn. And I didn’t have to lecture them or force them to get it. Living this journey, messing up, and trying again has been where the lessons are learned. We are all learning together.

They’ve seen children scream in terror for no obvious reason in the moment.

They’ve watched a child hoard food and act like they won’t get another bite for days or destroy the food in the split second of panic when the child thinks it might be taken away.

They’ve seen a child cling to shoes and socks like they are precious treasure.

They’ve experienced a child physically fighting the one person who has ever shown them true love.

They’ve heard children express what they’ve been through in the past and watched as the child tries to physically harm themselves as a way to express the pain.

There are really no words for some of these difficult moments we have walked through together, but Jaxon put it perfectly for all of us to remember why we do this,

“Thank you that I have a family to live with.”

A family isn’t just the people you share a name or blood with. It’s the ones you let come into your life and make a difference.

We aren’t the amazing ones for doing what we do. The children who suffer through loss and wake up each day fighting for love – they are amazing. And the children who watch and begin to see God in it all – they have a gift.

To have our eyes opened to the reality of brokenness is a gift.

And to do something about it, is priceless.

What is God opening your eyes to see?

Don’t turn a blind eye at brokenness.

Offer Jesus.

He heals wounds and binds up broken hearts.

We may not change the world by opening our home to foster children, but we will walk in obedience and trust Jesus to do the changing that He wants.

Jesus is changing foster kids.

And

Jesus is changing biological ones.

Are you interested in foster care? I would love to hear from you! If you can’t foster a child, love on, and pray for a family that does.

Love & Blessings,

Micah