Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Psalm 61:1-2

Every day I woke up and walked the sterile halls down to the dining hall. I saw the same doctors, the same nurses and the same cleaning crew as I smiled through my terrified thoughts. I got my coffee and walked the same path back to my husband’s side. I sat beside him and did what I could to make him comfortable.

This was a difficult time.

I know you’ve had these times too. You don’t know what tomorrow holds. You wonder how you will move forward and what life will look like on the other side of today. Questions fill your exhausted mind and thinking clearly seems impossible. It’s hard to press forward because you are paralyzed in the uncertainty of today. You want to hope for the best, but life seems to hold you captive to current trials.

The group of doctors filed into the room. I can still hear the click as the door latched tightly behind them. They surrounded the bed and one began to speak. As the words came from his mouth I stood frozen in my own fear. One word rang loudly in my ears and I could not seem to stop the sound of the ringing.

“Malignancy.”

It rang so loudly I could not hear another word. The doctor’s lips were moving but I stared into his face in shock hearing the terrifying word over and over.

It was not a diagnosis, but a very probable possibility. I faced the reality that my husband and my children’s daddy might not be around for the happily ever after we dreamed about.

I was afraid. My heart was so heavy. The nights were very long and the days ticked by second by second.

The thing that carried me through the long days and nights was the peace of God.

I am not saying I did not feel sad.

I am not saying I did not fear.

I am not saying I did not hurt.

I am not saying I did not feel alone.

I did feel all of those feelings. They were real and they were stronger than I had ever felt before; but the sadness, the fear, the hurt and the loneliness ushered me to a place of indescribable peace.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

As I paced the white halls I felt it. When I tried to rest on the stiff sofa bed I sensed it. When I opened my Bible and could not see through my tears I experienced it. God’s peace was with me.

He carried me.

Although I could not form words to pray, I know God was listening closely to my trembling heart.

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27

It’s ok to hurt and cry.

It’s ok to feel sad and alone.

It’s ok to feel afraid.

Those feelings make us human. The tears make us real. If we press them down and say we are fine, we are missing a chance to experience peace. We don’t need to pretend like we have all the answers. We don’t need to pretend like we can take any storm that comes our way.

We can’t! We need God. We desperately need God’s peace.

When life pours out more than you think you can handle, hold on tight. God’s peace is the only thing that will sustain you. He hears the unspoken needs of your heart.

My sweet hubby did not have cancer. It took months to get a diagnosis, but when we did, the doctor’s words were music to my ears:

“Mr. Maddox, the good news is, you are going to get better.”

Thank you, Lord!

Are you searching, looking and longing for peace? Do you wonder what in the world is going on with your life? Are circumstances making you feel uneasy and completely conflicted and unsettled? God offers peace that passes understanding. Let’s seek it out together this week. Join me as we focus on God’s peace all week long.

God-Centered Prayer – Week 3

In case you missed it check out the first two weeks of our “God-Centered Prayer” series by clicking the links below:
God’s Presence
God’s Power

God presence is amazing, His power is unexplainable, and His peace…truly breathtaking.

Love & Blessings,

Micah